VINOUS DRIVE-BY -- IT'S THE DRIVE-BY SIP AND SPIT! And, yes, “Just the facts, Ma’m” works. ARE NUTRITIONAL LABELS COMING TO ALCOHOLIC DRINKS? And, how about “deliciosity”? In Vino Veritas, well done. When you think of the perfect summer cocktail, you probably think about something light, refreshing, tasty, and, of course, ice cold. Cheers! Food and Drink. If vintage wine is sought after and goes for a premium price, why not vintage tea? Spoiler Alert: I stole most of the previous sentence from genuine wine descriptions I read online. Blue drinks are always popular, so include at least one, and stick to rum and tequila as the base spirits. Since I do not subscribe to the 100 point state of mind in any of its manifestations, I get most of my laughs from the big numbers wine descriptions that are sent out by people trying to sell wine. According to the back label, about 5% … was added in the blend of this stunningly aromatic, multi-dimensional wine. Dude, this little insignificant … has a finish you taste for ten minutes, and the only way to obliterate it is with the next wine.”. FLASH! In that case, we might need a visit from the Blending Man. That only leaves the points as the basis for buying. Customers typically spend just 90 seconds looking over the menu, and this time does not expand to accommodate any confusion caused by a poorly written menu. ARE WE TERRORISTS? WINE FRAUD AND A WINE DETECTIVE - THE STORY OF DON CORNWELL. A classic cocktail’s name is almost as important as its recipe; because without a cool, catchy name, many of the delicious recipes we’ve come to know and love would never have caught on. BOOK ON ROBERT LAWRENCE BALZER PUBLISHED BY UNDERGROUND'S CONTRIBUTING EDITOR CHRISTINE GRAHAM, A NATIONAL CONTEST TO SEE WHICH 100 POINT WINE WRITER HAS THE MOST CREATIVE WINE DESCRIPTIONS. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Whether displayed above your bar, on your porch, or in a man cave (or she-shed! That seems to have somehow morphed into “…full bodied and massively endowed…”  Hmmm. But, if it is liquefied steak, shouldn’t there be a warning label for vegetarians and vegans? I hope you enjoy it. Maybe a monster wine like Purple Death? Supposedly this is a description of 1997 Pride Mountain Vineyards Merlot. John, I guess maybe I am old school in the sense that I want something to sound appealing before I buy it. Thanks Wes. Maybe a new “liquefied Viagra”? WHEN TO TASTE, DRINK, & ENJOY YOUNG WINES & WHAT ABOUT ROSÉ? Fun post John. I hope it also has deliciosity, as it is frightfully expensive. I don’t know this wine and plan on keeping it that way. In Vino Veritas, you know that the second best thing to eating food, is talking about it. Thanks Mort, To subscribe and be notified anytime we post a new article, enter your email address in the box below, then click on Subscribe Now. LOOKING FOR OLD WINE WITH IMPECCABLE PROVENANCE? What happened to the “… liquefied charcoal grilled steak heavily crusted on the outside, blood red on the inside, sprinkled with Provencal herbs, and doused in black pepper”. The animal fur in question was part of an unappetizing pot-pourri of descriptors of the 100 point Pegau CdeP Cuvee da Capo 2000 in WA #151, February 2004. STOP THE WINE PRESS! Food & Drink. Cheers! This is a spectacular wine that must be tasted to be believed.”. STOP THE PRESSES! Get your highball on blackberry-style with this gin and tonic recipe. NITTY GRITTY DETAILS: • Deliver an unparalleled guest experience through the best combination of food, drinks and games in anideal environment for celebrating all out fun. You can find the “blood-soaked animal fur” review at WineSnark http://winesnark.com/become-a-wine-critic-superhero/ along with the rest of the review that also compares the outstanding wine as smelling of fresh horse dung. It scored 98 points and was described as “flirts with perfection.” How charming! Finally, palates are like fingerprints– everyone is different. ), these rustic signs featuring hilarious quotes about booze are guaranteed to inspire plenty of chuckles. HERE AT LAST – BEYOND 100 POINTS – NIRVANA! Wine drinkers are catching on and with more knowledgeable wine consumers I think that we will get more wine descriptions that make sense. Taysha Murtaugh was the Lifestyle Editor at CountryLiving.com. YOU BET YOUR SWEET BIPPY, BUT BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR! A “Marry Me Margarita” is a super-cute wedding cocktail name. The ‘dark’ comes from the black rum and the stormy comes from the ginger beer. You can tell it is old as now there are only 40 teabags in a box rather than 48. Mosquito Fleet Rum Dark rum from the Appalachian Gap Distillery in Middlebury, Vermont. Road tar, saddle leather, pencil shavings, dust, cigars and their boxes, minerals, stones & gravel, and everything else mother told you never to put into your mouth. You see, it’s not just “grilled steak”. The Most Pretentious Food Terms Of All Time. At least, I hope not! TASTING WINE VS. So perhaps it is only the number people are buying. But, for the rest of us, we can get some laughs out of some of the descriptions! If that is the case, you would not have to worry about calling the doctor if your excitement did not subside in 4 hours! An example of that is this note: “…I have always been amazed by the Word Salad and Adjective Cocktails blended into most wine reviews. 3) Continuing with our theme of liquefying things, here’s another liquefication from the creator of “liquefied Viagra.” Take a guess at what is being liquefied next: Well, it’s none of the above really. Wild, feral or domestic? NAPA VALLEY WINES – JUST WHEN I THOUGHT WE HAD SEEN EVERYTHING! That could work with syrup! And, the name of the wine? Road tar, saddle leather, pencil shavings, dust, cigars and their boxes, minerals, stones & gravel, and everything else mother told you never to put into your mouth. What is your guess as to the wine being described? You and your readers may also enjoy my wine descriptions in this post, http://winesnark.com/the-wine-review-review-1/ and the follow up post, http://winesnark.com/the-best-snarcasms-of-2015/ Sorry for all the links, but I think readers of this post will appreciate them. Bloody, sweaty saddle leather! That being said, if the mood strikes you in July, make Vixen’s Cranberry Vodka Cocktail. BLENDING GAME -- BLENDING MAN TO THE RESCUE, NOW APPEARING AT A STORE NEAR YOU - DON'T CRY FOR ME ARGENTINA STARRING MALBEC & TORRONTES. Mix 2 oz. i had a lot of fun reading your article. Was it the “liquefied Viagra”? Already revealing some pink and amber at the edge, the color is surprisingly evolved for a wine from this vintage. Also an ideal companion for manic-depression. Maybe these writers are being paid by the word! I do not like these alcoholic fruit bombs even if they score 1000 points! The wine descriptions I quote are actual quotes from some of the 100 point wine writers. AMATEUR NIGHT AT THE WINE FOLLIES: THE ANSWER WAS LYING IN PLAIN SIGHT. After all, the finish is only 35 seconds. DENNIS FOLEY, RENOWNED FIGURE IN THE WORLD OF RARE WINE, PASSED AWAY AT THE AGE OF 74, SURPRISE WINNING WINE IN THE INTERNATIONAL WINE TASTING COMPETITION OF THE CENTURY. Doesn’t that just excite you no end? Bacardi Cocktails Strawberry Daiquiri. Thanks to our witty home cooks, these ridiculous recipes do not disappoint. I say “might” only because I think a combination of these two elements might just induce a Kryptonite blow to the Blending Man’s palate. They must be knowledgeable on a wide range of cocktail recipes and be able to mix those drinks correctly, quickly, and without waste. Still it doesn’t sound so good to me. Alabama Chick-fil-A Has Hilarious Sign War, 7 Reasons We Love This Delightful Country Porch, How to Make Rustic Tree Stump Pumpkins This Fall. Beer Quotes. Homemade ice cubes are one thing, but what about making cupcakes out of meatloaf or baking a whole camel? There’s nothing wrong with choosing a signature wedding drink name that exudes romance, like this hot chocolate-inspired beverage called “Just Love.” White Coffee Creative. 2004 WHITE BURGUNDIES: PREMOX OR NOT? I followed your links and found your comments funny and far fetched at the same time. Any guesses? “Verbena, aloe vera, melisse, lemon-balm, and finally the usual apple; the palate as always is shady and cool, though more overtly mineral than usual, but the finish crescendos into a salty tide that clings and doesn’t quit. Wine or Listerine? ENCORE: DEAR SANTA, WE’VE GOT A LITTLE LIST, A VIEW OF THE 2015 BURGUNDY VINTAGE IN ADVANCE OF THE ANNUAL UNDERGROUND WINELETTER TRIP TO BURGUNDY TO TASTE THE 2014S, I HATE TO TELL YOU “I TOLD YOU SO” BUT “I TOLD YOU SO!”, ROSÉ WINES AND THE GREAT ROSÉS OF PROVENCE, A SHOT OUT OF THE BLUE: WE HAVE A NEW ENTRY IN THE WINE INGREDIENT LABELING DERBY, PREVIEW: ALONG THE BUGUNDY TRAIL VINTAGE 2013. Here’s the generic description of wines from the producer of the wine that is being reviewed: “…and no one can argue that he is the appellation’s greatest guardian of traditional winemaking. Whether displayed above your bar, on your porch, or in a man cave (or she-shed! Via Weber. IS IT DRINK NOW AND PAY LATER? Shows promise to last longer than your belief in an afterlife. http://winesnark.com/become-a-wine-critic-superhero/, http://winesnark.com/the-wine-review-review-1/, http://winesnark.com/the-best-snarcasms-of-2015/. Here is the latest installment of “Birds of a Feather” featuring the “liquefying” theme.  I will continue with more “Birds of a Feather” so long as I continue have ammo. So I give up. But, where’s the beef? 19 Funny Bar Signs for Serving Porch Drinks with a Smile "When life gives you lemons, grab tequila and salt!" Country Living editors select each product featured. They were meant to be serious, but in reality are just goofy! Add more water to taste. - THE CURIOUS CASE OF 1928 LA GAFFELIÉRE NAUDES, BIRDS OF A FEATHER - LAUGHABLE WINE DESCRIPTIONS, A NEW WINE FOR THE HOLIDAYS THAT HAS EVERYONE BUZZED. 2016 STUPID WINE DESCRIPTION AWARD WINNERS AND MORE! Good menu descriptions lead guests to order more items at a given sitting. Oh yes, one other thing. ATTENTION WINE DRINKERS: THIS BUD’S FOR YOU! A Bartender fills drink orders either directly from a customer at the bar or through servers who place drink orders for dining room customers in a restaurant setting. Sadly, that is probably true. Some of the technologies we use are necessary for critical functions like security and site integrity, account authentication, security and privacy preferences, internal site usage and maintenance data, and to make the site work correctly for browsing and transactions. If so, it is none other than a German Riesling – 2009 Willi Schaefer Wehlener Sonnenuhr Spatlese. ATTENTION ALL WINE CONSUMERS: WINE INGREDIENT LABELING IS HERE! All you … Geez, is that stuff sexy? WHAT REALLY MATTERS? An example of that is this note: “…I have always been amazed by the Word Salad and Adjective Cocktails blended into most wine reviews. TAKE THE WINE CHALLENGE - BLENDING IS YOUR FRIEND! Notify me of followup comments via e-mail. means a magic charm or talisman. […]. Since the generic description is described as “Perhaps the best description…”, let’s take a look at the specific description of the wine being reviewed: “…is a real treat as this cuvee flirts with perfection. However, I do find many of big numbers wine descriptions laughable and very amusing. By Taysha Murtaugh. If you buy from a link, we may earn a commission. BIG NUMBERS WINE CRITIC ISSUES REPORT ON 2009 BEAUJOLAIS. “Don’t cry over spilled milk…it could … Does “liquefied Viagra” have “no hard edges”and a “35 second finish”? These I have described as “Birds of a Feather”.) See more ideas about whiskey quotes, quotes, whiskey girl. How does one describe an …Perhaps the best description is that it represents a liquefied charcoal grilled steak heavily crusted on the outside, blood red on the inside, sprinkled with Provencal herbs, and doused in black pepper.”. So do you have any idea of what wine is represented by this review? WOW! Jessica Draper Calligraphy THE WINE FRAUD STORY – THE BEAT GOES ON! DO WINE AND TOILET PAPER HAVE ANYTHING IN COMMON? ), these rustic signs featuring hilarious quotes about booze are guaranteed to inspire plenty of chuckles. Here, 17 classic cocktails with the coolest names. The Underground is totally focused on the consumer and a strong advocate of wine ingredient labeling. THE FBI HAS MOVED TO STOP WINE FRAUD! It really doesn’t make too much difference about the details anyway. Apr 17, 2017 Etsy.com. So, in self defense, I must move on before the flock arrives. Country Living participates in various affiliate marketing programs, which means we may get paid commissions on editorially chosen products purchased through our links to retailer sites. ... Unnecessarily grandiose descriptions of food, on menus and in restaurant reviews, are one of the most visible manifestations of food snobbery. Now, the secret to this drink is that instead of a mix…we pour in one individual Raspberry Lemonade Crystal Light packet (you know, the small ones you would pour into a bottle of water). With or without mothball overtones?… Hope he had a nice “palate cleanser” for the rinse…” So far I have not been able to find the details for this description, as the person mentioned the name of the reviewer (This is deleted in the spirit of being an equal opportunity commentator for laughable wine descriptions following the herd mentality. What a treat! Palates are different, but there is a limit to the number of things that anyone can smell and taste in a glass of wine! Like I have said, not only is life too short to drink bad wine, but also it is too short to not laugh and have fun! And, this is not likely to be an issue since I have quite an arsenal already and it is continuing to build. THERE IS A NEW SCORING SYSTEM! And, sadly, for many people, wine is all about points.

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